Deb Surine’s life may well end where it began.
The 42-year-old Calgary woman moved back to the family farm in Saskatchewan, where she spent much of her childhood.
“I'm on the farm, surrounded by animals. I can't think of a better way to be outside: springtime on the farm,” Sue Lynn said while tending to a flock of lambs on her aunt's farm near Davidson.
Deb Surine as a child.
Image credit: Deb Surine
Photos of Sue Lin's childhood show her as a happy girl enjoying life on the farm and in the mountains, but they do not tell the full story of the abuse and trauma she suffered.
It was this abuse that caused Sue Lin to run away from home at the age of 15. She began to use alcohol to cope with her post-traumatic stress disorder.
“It became uncontrollable. I got to the point where I had to deal with my life or the difficulties I was having,” Surin said.
Surin overcame many obstacles and became a Red Seal electrician and later an instructor at SAIT in Calgary.
Deb Surine is an electrician instructor at SAIT.
Destany Bojey Kootnikoff/SAIT
Her career success and outward happiness made it impossible for outsiders to know her true thoughts.
“I don’t think anyone knew how bad my addiction had gotten,” Sulin said.
In 2020, she decided to seek help.
She attended Rockyview Hospital's mental health day program for four weeks, but as the program drew to a close, she realized she was still drinking.
Medical staff suggested that her next step was to quit her drug addiction.
“It was very sad to hear that because I didn't think drugs were my problem. I thought mental health was my problem and if I could fix my mental health, then I would fix the drug addiction,” Surin said.
While undergoing rehabilitation at Foothills Medical Center, Sue Lin remembers looking around and wondering if she really belonged there.
“I thought: 'Everyone is in a much worse situation than me. There's no need for me to be here. This is not for me.'”
However, she recalls a crucial conversation with one of her team’s managers who asked a key question.
“How can my life change if I’m not willing to change the way I think, the way I behave, or anything about myself?” Su Lin said.
At that time, Su Lin was determined to seize the opportunity. She said she was lucky to have such an opportunity and decided to make full use of the existing resources.
She attended group therapy three times a week and connected with the Rapid Access to Addiction Medicine (RAAM) team, where she met Calgary trauma specialist Dr. Christine Gibson.
“She changed my life. I can't express how much she helped me,” Sulin said.
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“There is a very strong link between childhood trauma and addiction,” Gibson recently told Global News.
She said many people who experience childhood trauma use drugs or alcohol to temporarily escape from their brains.
“It’s a solution the brain finds to help numb these intense reactions,” Gibson explains. “It’s trying to protect you.”
Su Lin had been sober for two years and seven months. But just when she was finally enjoying life to the fullest for the first time, she discovered she didn't have much longer to live.
In January 2024, Su Lin was diagnosed with advanced cancer.
Rather than feeling devastated, she feels relieved. After celebrating her freedom from addiction, she is working through grief and dealing with death, but she is not in pain.
“I've been battling illness my whole life and I'm tired of the battle, so getting a diagnosis of an incurable disease, for me, it's the end of it. This is the last thing I have to go through, and hopefully I'll get a lot of peace, love and tranquility afterwards,” Sue Lin said.
Sue-Lynn decided to spend the rest of her life on the family farm in Saskatchewan.
“I wake up every day happy. Happy to be alive, happy to start another day. I get to bottle-feed these cute lambs, take care of the chickens and just get through another day. It’s so simple,” Sue Lin said. “It’s so great here,” she smiled.
“I’m not afraid of dying, but I’m really, really afraid of dying in pain from cancer.”
Looking back on the challenges she faced, Sulin isn’t angry about receiving the diagnosis at this stage in her life. Instead, she feels a sense of acceptance.
“I don't know what the afterlife is like or where I'm going, but I lost my brother 20 years ago and I hope I can see him when this is all over. There are things in the afterlife that I'm looking forward to. This life is great,” she paused.
“Well, no, this life is hard. I have one last fight left, and hopefully then life won't be hard anymore,” said Surin.
In 2024, Deb Surine was receiving cancer treatment at Foothills Hospital.
Image credit: Deb Surine
Sulin underwent chemotherapy at Foothills Medical Center in January and February. She described the pain as excruciating.
“I was very ill and the medical staff said they could help my pain. But that was not the case. I was in a lot of pain and spent three weeks in hospital in excruciating pain while they tried to find a way to help my pain.”
Sulin decided to end her life and was scheduled to receive medical assistance on April 30.
“I thought: ‘If this is the rest of my days, I can’t go on.’ However, as April went on, I started to feel better, so April 30 was coming up. I called ahead and changed the date to May 30 because I felt that if the pain that had put me in the hospital for those three weeks came back, I could still handle it,” said Surin.
She said as long as the pain is under control, “so be it,” and she hopes to be able to do things on the farm that make her happy, like taking care of the chickens.
One thing Sue-Lynn wants people to know about her experience is that people reacted differently when she was battling addiction than when she was diagnosed with cancer.
“When I had cancer, probably every person I’ve ever met in my life contacted me and told me how sorry they were and that they wanted to help in any way they could,” Surin said.
While she’s grateful for the support, she said the hardest parts of her life have been trauma and her battle with addiction — not cancer.
“I hope people will look at mental health addiction the same way they look at cancer. It's just as debilitating.”
“There's a lot of stigma around this. No one would look at me as someone who's sick or struggling and needs help, and now people know that I'm sick and struggling and need help,” Surin said.
Gibson said there is still a huge stigma around addiction and mental health.
“I want to tell people that if you're dealing with substance abuse, it's the same as if you were diagnosed with diabetes. It's not necessarily something you have a choice or control over, as many people would like to believe.”
Gibson said there is a lack of understanding of the connection between substance abuse and trauma.
“I think if people could better understand the connection, they would see it in a completely different way,” Gibson said. “My hope is that if people really understood the mechanics of addiction, they would be more compassionate to people who are dealing with it.”
After recovering and being discharged from the hospital, Sue Lin went to downtown Calgary once a month to provide meals and chat with people who looked like they needed help.
“If you really listen to their stories, their stories are heartbreaking. I think if we could have a little more compassion, a little more humanity, and really talk to these people and listen to their stories, we wouldn’t marginalize them,” Surin said.
Deb Surine is skiing.
Image credit: Deb Surine
Looking back on her four decades of life, if there’s one thing she hopes people can take away from her story, it’s to have compassion for others.
“It’s a complex issue, people don’t understand mental health and when we don’t understand something it’s easy to blame the person.
“If I could choose not to drink or do drugs, I would. It would make my life a lot easier, but it's not an option for me. It's a deeply ingrained coping skill to deal with the fight or flight system that's going on in my body all day long, and it gives me time to take a break. It's exhausting to be in this mental state every day,” said Surin.
“If you have cancer, the public understands. But mental health is much more complicated.”
Surine plans to donate her fortune to Women in Need Association She is Mustard Seeds in Calgary To help others who are in trouble. Fundraising campaign launched To fulfill that last wish.
“I could have been that person. I didn't end up homeless. Thank the universe. But I was one step away from being homeless,” Surin said.
She said that although she knew she might not live to see the end of the year, these were the best days of her life.
“I don’t need to go on fancy vacations or have a lot of money. This is what makes me happy,” Surin said. “I’m honored to be able to do this until the end of my life.”
